Grow at your own pace. Your speed doesn't matter, forward is forward.
Dear Emma
People sometimes laugh at the first time mom who batch cooks first foods and co-sleeps and documents days.
Many believe its the new broom effect.
They believe that second and third children are more likely to get the ready made meals and the convenient gimmicks. I don't know how I might choose to parent in the future, but I do hope I have the same patience to practice the natural parenting methods you have enjoyed, because I truly believe that they have benefited us all.
I'd like to share with you the principles employed in how you are being raised. (*disclaimer... this refers to your infancy and toddlerhood.... Universe, please send me strength to continue beyond! ;)
In conversation with a friend, she dropped the line: "how we parent matters."
That has stuck with me and often brought me back to centered when I've needed reassurance that my style with you is based on a purpose driven philosophy.
Sometimes I think that natural parenting can be seen as a term used to simply offer justification for winging it...
Maybe that's become the misconception because this parenting style really does take the guess work out of it. It's less googling, less advise seeking, less shopping, less stuff, less clock watching.
But, don't be fooled, there is purpose in our play.
There is a reason for the messy dinner.
There is conscious parenting at work. 24/7.
First, Natural Parenting.
In a nutshell it just means that we believe in parenting you in a way that encourages you to reach milestones at your own pace.
We try to keep it as mother nature intended.
We share our whole food with you as we would have had we not had access to baby bullets or suction plates or preloading spoons.
You sleep beside us as, as every immature species of mammal does.
We don't engage in practices or play that simulates behavior that is beyond your capability.
From the beginning we have been overwhelmed at the shop shelves heaving with gimmicks to keep you propped up, played with and fed!
Motherhood and the marketing aimed at it is hugely driven by emotion.
Baby gear and food manufacturers know this! The baby care market is worth something like USD74million! (That will be a lot money whenever you read this too!)
We try to ask ourselves 3 guiding questions before we buy or start a new practice with you.
These are:
· What is the end goal?
· Is she ready? (physically/emotionally/socially)
· Does this encourage the signs she is showing at achieving the goal? Or does it simply simulate the end goal?
To offer an example:
The goal might be that we want you to sit.
We see the fun and super hyped up baby floor seats. They're everywhere! Friends have them. The family dining at the table next to us have their little one strapped into one. They're in every store and on every online community market.
We're tempted. We would love to sit you in one so you could participate with the world around you. You're so curious. You're 4 months old and holding your head up now. Wouldn't it be a treat if you could watch us, at eye-level?
But then we can't justify it when we commit to our philosophy.
You are not able to sit. The seat simulates sitting. It wedges you in and props you up. We decide to sit this one out and trust that the very curiosity you show in the world around you will be the motivator that gets you moving.
I hate writing in a way that reads: "I do it this way! My way works! That other mom is wrong!" So I hope it doesn't come across that way. I've seen many peers who have bought the XYZ and their little ones are smashing milestones like the little champs that they are.
All I know is that I felt overwhelmed as a first time mom.
In a world of unsolicited advise and tempting marketing ploys being beamed at me from every direction, I found it incredibly comforting to be committed to a specific philosophy. It felt good to have my pillars of belief in place and then remain open to what I come across. It has meant that as we grapple with plans or choices we are able to simplify it and quiet all the noise and consult with ourselves so that we can hear YOU!
We believe that natural parenting has allowed us to truly connect with and know you.
It's allowed us to know ourselves and to become confident parents.
We have been able to cut out the extra stuff and the noise.
It's also meant that we have saved bucket loads of money by not buying the gear and the gimmicks.
You couldn't sit, so no floor seat.
You couldn't stand, so no bouncer.
You couldn't walk, so no walking ring.
No bath seats or fake heart beat bed-mates.
No special crockery or cutlery.
No special food or separate diet outside of choosing what we feel is best and healthiest for us as a family.
I am no scientist. Perhaps your milestones would have been unaffected by other methods. Maybe you'll look back at baby pictures and wonder why all of your friends have pictures with matching gear in the background that never shows up in any of your albums.
For now, I feel incredibly proud when friends and family praise you and show disbelief in the fact that you were 6 weeks premature after a high risk pregnancy.
You have positively thrived!
You were sitting at 6 months old. Crawling at 7. Took your first steps at 13.
Again, I don't know what the future holds. I pray that you continue to thrive and that your cognitive and social development is without struggle.
But, the commitment to the natural approach is comforting in that it's centered around meeting you where you are. Basking in the joy of first steps and also lovingly supporting our child whether she talks or reads or writes. It's about enjoying what you CAN do, gently assisting you to try new things and letting you set the pace.
All my love, Mommy
Xx
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