Jeepers, Em, I learnt a lesson that I know is going to strengthen me as your parent. Listen to this!
On Saturday, just before your supper time, we were on our way home from a lunch with our play group friends.
Responsible parents.
We had had a nice day out and were headed home in time to give you a calm dinner and bath before bedtime.
So, we stopped at the shop.
It's in the basement parking of the building we live in.
Your dad ran in, leaving the car running so that we could enjoy the air-con.
We live in the Middle East. Air-con is life!
As we stopped, you dropped your dummy.
Girl, you are ALL ABOUT that dummy.... so, there were tears.
I leaned over you to pick it up. No luck. I needed to go around and open the door on your side of the car to fish it out...
And this is where it got interesting...
I never close the doors of the car when going around to see to you in the back. I'm a paranoid mom! But on this day, my paranoia was proven valid! I jumped out of the car and must not have pushed my door wide enough to keep it open. As I passed by the rear, I heard it click shut.
Your door- locked.
Passenger- locked.
EVERY
DOOR
LOCKED.
Long story short, Em, I was beside myself.
I don't believe in you crying "it" out.
And there you were, alone in the car, crying for your dummy.
Me, crying on the other side of the window.
We tried all we could. Your dad, Gareth (dad's LOOONG time friend), saintly neighbors, shop assistants, all taking turns trying to break you out in the 45-degree heat of the basement.
"The hardest step she ever took was to blindly trust in herself" Atticus
Eventually, we called the police to ask for help to break the window.
And boy did they come! I am not exaggerating when I say that about 30 service men (police, fire, EMS, media) were on the scene. It looked like the scene of a major hostage situation. We've laughed since, saying we should have gotten photos of the scene we caused.
All in all, you spent about 45 mother-shattering minutes in that car.
I berated myself for every second of it, and for days after.
I knew it was an accident. I knew you were okay in the air-con.
I knew it could have happened to anyone.
But, like every parent, I was guilt ridden.
Privately, and unreasonably, I wondered if the 45 minutes of crying would affect you emotionally later on.
I scold myself for not making sure my door was opened properly.
For not just leaving the dummy.
For not trying to wean you off of that appendage months ago!
All normal stages of acceptance I suppose.
And so, as I humbly took on the lesson I was taught, the universe stepped in, with a great big booming…
"Oh no, that's not your lesson, Celeste. Have this one!"...
On Tuesday morning, we made the local and regional paper. Print and online. Across 5 (that we know of) different media outlets.
And, the story that was carried was so far from what had actually transpired that I prefer to call it, a fictional article. Fiction, except that it mentioned where the incident took place and showed a dramatic picture of emergency services surrounding our vehicle.
It spoke of how they were unsure of how long the child had been left alone. (You were never alone.)
It said that it was not known who had called for emergency services to get involved. (Your father made the call.)
So many details were missing that the story became just that, a story. Not a recounting of the event. It went on to warn parents of the dangers of leaving children unattended in vehicles, particularly in the heat. It mentioned fatal incidents. It was all served up to make me feel even more disgusted in myself.
When I got over my feelings of failure and inadequacy, (I realized that the article was not discussing me our family. It did not attack OUR parenting), I felt indignant.
How dare they publish a picture of our car, in our home parking, alongside this slanderous story? (What would the neighbors say?)
I contacted the paper and demanded to speak to the editor. I wanted the story expanded on. I saw the value in sharing the facts around children being left unattended, but I wanted it known that the incident we were involved in was not linked to the sort of negligence hinted at in the published piece. And the paper agreed.
And then the lesson hit me...
You and I know exactly what happened in that basement parking! Who cares what the neighbors think?! When did anyone else’s opinion or gossip or comments start to trump the trust that you and I have worked to build and honor?
When I started this journey with you it was about YOU. US.
It is so easy to watch other parents and think they're doing it better.
It's even easier to create a scenario in your head where they are watching you in judgement.
And why should it matter? My intent with you is always pure and my actions always with you first in mind.
No doubt, I will make some questionable choices as we journey and grow.
And, make no mistake, people might talk about you, or me, or our family at various stages. (God willing it won't always be printed, breaking news kind of stuff!)
When you're old enough to recognize that I'm trying to keep up with the Jones' or worrying about what anyone else would think, please remind me that I should know better.
I hope that you will feel confident enough in yourself to weather it. Confidence comes with conviction.
My sister (Aunty Michelle), early after you were born, asked me how I knew you would be okay. And my answer was something like this: "I have been through so much and clawed my way to a very happy life. And that was when I was doing it just for me. I can only imagine what I'm capable of now that I'm doing it for Emma too."
Dance like nobodies watching, Em.
And if you need to, call any number of emergency services you need or want to get back to your love!
All my love,
Mommy
Xx
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